missing singledom!!!!

oh yeah very much...well im stuck in such a weird shit that im partly single and partly not..and the fuck up is that it always comes up in contrast situations. but such is my life. sigh!
and to top it all i jus realised yday that suddenly everybody around me, my cousins, friends.... are going some place or the other....united states, australia....umphh. is it some sign for me is what i ask myself. i dont know... anyways its getting weird and strange by the day with me and him. i can clearly see the end of it but its like now after sooo many years half my body is out of the dark room the rest half is stuck so badly like some creature holding it tightly!!! conversations are so bizzare and arguements are completely baseless...so far as niether one of us are aware of the point one is trying to prove!! and this entire proving business is just making me go nuts...wish i cud break someone's nuts in retaliation!! hmmmmm wish sooo many things actually.
the rains are making everything soo blurr...what is with my vision man!! and no my power is still the same. all the planning is going for a toss..
i think im almost losing something inside me somewhere...or is it me what im losing??? again no answer.
i just want to live a suspended life somewhere in midway...like air!! an urge to lose my force of gravity has suddenly agreivated!!...
hmmmm it like...
I cheated myself
Like I knew I would
I told ya, I was trouble
You know that I'm no good